How to Chat Safely With Strangers

Four rules that cover most of it

1. 01Nothing that identifies you. Not your full name, your town, your school or workplace, your other accounts. A stranger who knows three of those can find you.
2. 02Nothing you would mind being kept. Assume anything you send can be screenshotted. That is true on every site, including this one.
3. 03No money, ever. No gift cards, no crypto, no "I will pay you back". A conversation that arrives at money has stopped being a conversation.
4. 04Leaving is free. You owe nobody an explanation. Press Next and the whole situation ends.

What is safe to talk about

1. 01Opinions, arguments, things you find funny. None of it narrows down who you are.
2. 02What you are reading, watching or listening to — as long as it is not "the play at my local theatre on Thursday".
3. 03Your country and your language. Useful for finding common ground, far too broad to identify you.
4. 04Work in general terms. "I teach" is fine; the name of the school is not.
5. 05How your day went. The most common good conversation on any chat site starts exactly there.

Red flags worth acting on

1. 01A link in the first message. Real people do not open with a URL.
2. 02Pressure to move to another app. Urgency is the whole technique.
3. 03Asking you to "verify your age" on another site with a card. That is a card-harvesting page.
4. 04Flattery that arrives too fast. Compliments before a conversation are a tool, not a feeling.
5. 05Asking for photos early, then asking again. The second ask is the one that tells you.
6. 06Questions that build a profile. Age, then city, then job, then which part of town.
7. 07Any mention of money. Investment, help, a loan, a site they found. All the same thing.
8. 08Anything involving someone under 18. Do not engage, do not argue — report it and leave.

Mistakes people make anyway

1. 01Being polite to someone who is being pushy. Politeness reads as an opening; Next does not.
2. 02Sending a photo "just of the background". Rooms, streets and windows are identifying.
3. 03Reusing a nickname from another site. That single word can link this conversation to everything else you have written.
4. 04Arguing with a bad actor to prove a point. It gives them time and tells them what you care about.
5. 05Deciding a stranger is trustworthy because the conversation has been going well for an hour. That hour is the investment.

How to judge a chat site

1. 01Does it say how long messages are kept? A site that will not say is telling you something.
2. 02Is there a report button where you need it — next to the message box?
3. 03Is there a written appeal if you are blocked? A block with no route back is a site that does not expect to be wrong.
4. 04Does it ask for more than it needs? A text chat does not need your phone number.
5. 05Are the rules readable and specific? Vague rules get enforced unevenly.
6. 06Does it claim things that cannot be true? "100% anonymous", "messages are never stored", "moderated around the clock" — each one is a warning sign.

Before you press Search

1. 01Decide in advance what you will not share, so you are not deciding mid-conversation.
2. 02Close anything behind you if you ever do send a photo — and prefer not to send one.
3. 03Know where the report button is before you need it.
4. 04Use a nickname you have never used anywhere else, or none at all.
5. 05Remember that leaving costs nothing. That is the whole safety feature.

If you are here about a teenager

Safer and riskier habits

Questions people ask